A letter to my daughter on her fifteenth birthday

 - આ પત્રનો ગુજરાતી ભાવાનુવાદ અહી મૂકેલો છે -

19 October 2021

Dear Chhammu

It is your fifteenth
birthday. You asked me to write a poem but I could not write it.  Instead, I am writing this letter to
you.  Fifteen is an important landmark in
one’s life, especially that of a girl. 
In many macro statistical indicators, you will stop being a child.  From now on you are part of the labour force
and a group of reproductive age women. 
That is wonderful, no?

This time in life is
very interesting. I had mine some 30 years ago. As a fifteen-year-old, we
question our reality. We don’t settle for limitations that our surrounding give
to us. We strive to make the world – out little one and the big one – a better
place. We are full of aspirations with a futuristic outlook.  It is natural. So, when as a fifteen-year-old
girl, you look forward to your life, let me share some insights from my past.

My grandmother, the one
I never had a chance to see or meet, was probably married by the time she was
fifteen. Her family before and after marriage was poor. They were leaving in a
rented space of few rooms in densely populated downtown Bhavnagar.  I guess so was the case of my maternal
grandmother too, who was luckier than the paternal one to survive six plus
pregnancies. My Dadi died after her ninth or so, when my father was not even
fifteen-year-old. A few years later, the fifteen-year old father of mine was
competing with seven other siblings for almost everything – toys, space,
clothes, outings, and even food. They continued to live in a rented premise
slightly outside the downtown of small town of Bhavnagar. My mother was
probably contemplating to leave her schooling on her fifteenth birthday. She
actually left her formal education well within her twenties.  Each generation before my parents and
themselves struggled to make their ends meet, and yet they strived to make
their next one better than theirs.  So, I
had my fifteenth birthday in an independent bungalow outside the downtown,
owned by my parents.  I as a
fifteen-year-old teen couldn’t appreciate their struggle to raise four kids
with a decent education.  I had friends
with fewer siblings and relatively better household amenities. I then started
comparing and complaining about my realities of those days. Busy with making
their and our lives better, my parents could never sit with us to tell stories
of their struggle and guide me for my aspirations.  My father was shuttling between places
because of transferable job and mother was balancing on many fronts, including
four adolescents questioning her, almost all the time. The youngest of the
four, in absence of guidance, warmth, and handholding, I fumed and fretted at
times. I felt alone and helpless many a times. I questioned my existence. I had
my share of dreams but did not have resources to fulfil them. Eventually, after
completing diploma from Bhavnagar, I was allowed to do my graduation away from
home as parents could spend on my hostel and fees. I was the only one to do so
among the four siblings. Even after retirement of my father, I went to pursue
my post-graduation, something that pushed me into a higher orbit
altogether. 

When you are hitting
your fifteen, life is very different for you. 
From 7-8 siblings to being a single child in two generations, you have
no competition for household resources. From illiteracy and low level of
education in previous generations, you have parents with higher education and a
command over language other than their mother tongue.  You had your childhood in posh locality of a
metro city mingling with people of diverse cultures. While my grandfather
walked to his workplace and my father started with a cycle and then progressed
to a moped when he was forty-plus, your parents could afford a second and
better version of car.  My grandfather
sat on an airplane only once and my father only twice in his life. I had my
first long distance train journey when I was 25.  But, you, my dear, had your experiences of
travel and exploring so early in your life that you could have a childhood
dream of travelling the world, on your own.

I am sure, you will
fulfil your dream too and set a very different and higher baseline for the next
generation. And yet, the next generation will have their own set of questions
for you, as I had for my parents and you probably have for me as you hit your
fifteenth. It is natural. I understand.

On this birthday and
hereafter, I want you to understand and appreciate the balance of three aspects
in life.  These crucial aspects are:
Myself, My people, and Money.  All these
are very essential in life, and their importance keep changing as you grow
older.  And, thus the need of balance.
Many of us need to trade-off these aspects with each other if there is shortage
of values therein. This happens if we don’t invest in them timely and wisely.
Let me explain.

As a child, we keep
receiving lot of love, attention and care from our people.  As a child we are receiver most of the time
and our surrounding keep giving us. In addition to love and care, adults and
elderlies give orders, instructions, ideas and ideologies to children. The
fifteen is an important landmark to assess and evaluate the inputs you received
as a child. Focusing on oneself is an important natural set of events as you
grow out from your childhood into adulthood. These focusing is about four
faculties of our existence: Body, Mind, Heart, and Soul. It is about our
actions, thoughts, sentiments, and very existential realities. Focus on self.
Question all that is being told to you. Question all that is being done to you.
Question all that affects you. Take larger and complete control of your
faculties. Let no one affect your body, mind, heart, and soul without your
permissions.  There will be moments in
life when you will feel like giving up on self to accommodate/placate your people
or the need for money. Do this trade-off very wisely. Focusing on self is very
important.

While we grow into
teenage and adulthood, and learn to keep focusing on ourselves, ‘My people’
becomes secondary and ‘Myself’ becomes primary. 
It is in this transition when the trade-off between these two aspects
begin, it is important to recognise the investment of certain people around you
as you were growing. You may not need to return their favours. It is important
to recognise and appreciate the fact that what we become is never culmination
of our solo efforts. It is an outcome of investments of so many around us.
While you certainly will feel the urge to focus on self, learn to spare some
time, space, and resources, for the important others too. If you keep investing
in them, you will always have them, post your teens too, when you will actually
need them again.  At the same time, you
will learn to identify and differentiate the good, bad, and ugly people from
the lot you will keep coming across too. Sometimes you will invest in wrong
people and may get hurt too. This is ok too. Not all investments are successful
in short run and one need to keep revisiting them time to time.

The concept of
investment brings us to the third important aspect where you would need to
learn to trade-off, i.e. money.  Money is
an important medium in life. A mean through which we can buy an end i.e. things
and experiences. It is important for you to appreciate this crucial
understanding of money as a vehicle. You would need to learn to earn your
living. You would need to save some of your earning for rough times. And, you
would need to learn to invest some of them wisely so as to make your money earn
more money.  Two questions are then
important to keep pondering over: Why do we need money, and when? And What do
we need to do with ourselves and with our money so that we always have nearly
enough to meet our needs and aspirations? The situation of our two previous
generations, as I described earlier, is this difference in understanding of
money and investment. My grandparents could just survive, made the two ends
meet, and could not invest much in properties or higher education of their
children. My parents could invest in a house in a small town and afford to send
us to universities. We, as your parents, have learn the lessons little late. We
could have a flat in metro city, afford to have amenities like car, experiences
of travel and eating out at regular intervals, and building assets, time to
time. We now have started to invest in our 40s for your future and for our old
age too. I want you to start earlier then us. Even if you cannot start earning
formally before your higher education, I want you to invest wisely from all the
little you have from informal earning. That is why Zerodha! You need to be
master of your needs, thing and experiences that money can buy. But, I want you
also to keep reminding yourself that money is your servant and not your master.
Learn to feel comfortable with money and its management. It will go a long way
in serving and not having to trade-off priorities of ‘myself and ‘my people’.

I am sure about you being able to learn these and
other important lessons of life time to time. Many gifts that you received this
year have similar essence. Some travel related books and a globe will keep the
flame of your dreams alive. A unique intangible gift of some stocks in your
account will remind you of how small financial investment go a long way in
creating wealth. While some books will continue to inspire to become a finer
human being and a stronger woman, some other will guide you on planning and
managing money. Your parents are always there to guide you with their
experiences and wisdom; these are reflected in our letters to you. Lastly, all
our little gifts will help you as you embark new phase in your own little space
that Nani is giving you as a special, most prized gift, first-of-its-kind of
space made available to anyone in our generations as they turned fifteen, i.e.
gift i.e. your own room.

Enjoy, keep growing and glowing appreciate, and, be
grateful!

May god bless you all your life.

Love. Yours,

Pappudi